There’s no secret to balance. You just have to feel the waves

Balance.

For quite a while Andrew kept saying that word as much as he could. He really likes it apparently. And it suddenly just hit me why.

I mean, I think I've got it pretty good - amazing friends, boyfriend, family, good grades (: but I'm not so good with the whole balance thing. It means I neglect my friends, which sucks, since I used to pride myself in always listening to people and being there for them. I like to think I still am if anyone comes to me, but I realised recently that sometimes people need you to come to them first.

It's incredibly easy to make excuses to yourself. I can't ask my friends to hang out this weekend because I have work to do and I want to do *whatever*. It's not your fault that the last time you hung out with just a few of your friends rather than the usual group was... a year ago? Bullshit. So, I'm pulling myself together. I swear if you're nice enough to miss me, I'm going to make an effort now. And I'm holding myself accountable. It's all well and good to make new years resolutions, or say you're going to change in some way, but everyone knows that falls through too much of the time.

There are two things I've done recently, which I would like to think are a step forward. One person will know one of them, but the other probably won't realise. But maybe that's the best way. Not trying to ram your friendship down someone's throat - it has to be better to use your energy actually doing something than trying to prove to everyone that you're doing it.

If I'm honest, I'm pretty scared about 2010. There is going to be a lot of change, and I can't know yet if it will be for the better. I guess all I can hope is that with a little support (given and received), and a little balance, we'll cope well enough with anything that gets thrown our way.