Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.

Bonjour mes petites :)

Here is the quiz you have all been waiting for, you can take it if you want, but if you would rather not know how well attached you are to your mother, father, loverr and best friend it probably isn't a good idea.

But then, as Andrew pointed out, if you get negative results for any/all of them you should take it in a positive way. It's a good way to find out how to improve your relationships, particularly since these 4 are probably the most significant in your life, at least at the moment.

If you would like a pep talk, please continue to read. If you're bored of my ramblings, feel free to just take the quiz and go :)

Low avoidance = you don't shy away from getting close to people, and you feel comfortable sharing your feelings with them. This is a positive thing, and it means you are on the way to having a secure attachment.

Low anxiety = this is the other necessary requirement for a secure attachment. This means you trust that person and don't often worry about them abandoning you (physically, but also emotionally) or not feeling the same way for you as you do about them.

So high anxiety and avoidance? If you have high avoidance you probably prefer to hide your emotions, which could be because you fear what will happen if you open up too much, or maybe you don't trust that attachment figure with your secrets. High anxiety means to be afraid that that person will leave you, does not love you and/or that you cannot depend upon them. These can all be rectified. Obviously this is a scale, not 4 options, so you could be bang in the middle of any of them, or you could be nearer one end.

Firstly, what ever you are, it is certainly not the end of the world. Attachments change, maybe because of changing circumstances, or just life and relationship experiences that help you to improve your attachments, or maybe weaken them. These things cannot be anticipated, but if you think about the types of relationships you want with your family and friends you can actively change them by being more open, responsive, dependant, independent, trusting, accepting, less clingy or what ever you can see in yourself that needs to change. It's up to you to make the differences. However, you cannot tell someone that their attachment to you is bad and expect them to change. If you want someone to behave in a way that will improve your relationship, its a two way thing. If you try to be better in what ever way you need to be, chances are, they will respond and change with you.

Oh, and do you want to read one of my favourite quotes ever?

"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. 'Pooh?' he whispered.
'Yes, Piglet?'
'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's hand. 'I just wanted to be sure of you.'"
— A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

Good luck lovelies :)

The Art of Inconspicuous Avoidance

Catching the 46 is hardly ever fun.
When you're stuck upstairs with none of your friends at 7:30 in the morning (how optimistic of me to assume it would be on time...), its so far beyond not fun you seriously begin to contemplate squeezing through one of those tiny windows in the hope that the relatively short drop will finish you off.

It's fine up there if you have 'upstairs friends' or if you live in the mystery expanse between southampton and valley park, where you can safely get a double seat to yourself. However, if you unfortunately don't fit into one of these categories you swiftly become a victim of what I am going to call the 'upstairs game' (my God I sound bitter...haha it's not that bad, i just like exaggerating).

In order to win this game you must retain your double seat for the longest time possible, which usually just results in everyone who comes upstairs feeling rejected and alienated in their search for somewhere to balance for those delightful 45 minutes. However, most of the participating upstairs occupants are generally not that good at the vital avoidance tactics the need to be employed to really succeed at this game. So I've picked up a few tips from the pros.

Who are these pros? The Downstairs Dwellers of course! I have been forced into antisocialism myself after suffering this alienation and so have observed the masters at work, because downstairs it's no game, its a matter of life and death.

So upstairs novices, here's a few suggestions:
1) The Unoriginal
Take the aisle seat yourself, while letting your bag inconspicuously occupy the window seat. This shows seat-hunters that they are not wanted, or that you are at least reserving the seat for someone else.

2) The Subtle Avoidance
Staring at an ipod/book/phone/etc means you avoid eye contact and so it is difficult for them to ask if the seat is free (this is not always effective as people such as myself don't bother to ask and will generally just sit next to you anyway).

3) The Obvious Avoidance
Stare at the person as the walk towards you, then pointedly look at a spare seat nearby, as if saying sit there, not here. Fairly rude, but surprisingly effective.

4) The Sleeper
Everyone on the 46 has noticed the kids from Kings, especially the boy that is always asleep. I think he is secretly an avoidance genius. He sprawls diagonally across a doubler, with his bag on the seat, (I'm now convinced he's pretending to be) asleep. This is one of the most effective methods I have seen, since no one wants to wake him up to ask to move his bag. Bloody Genius.

5) The Disturbing Long Term-er
You also get to know the adults on the bus. I noticed and remembered her for her very long green nails (always a good look) until Katie pointed out something that terrified us both. The teddy bear keyring on her bag is no ordinary cuddly toy. It is a BONDAGE TEDDY. I kid you not. It has a whip and everything... Okay, it will take fellow bus companions a while to notice this, but when they do I'm sure you'll have that double seat to yourself most of the way.

So there you go, feel free to try any of these methods.
If you dare.