The shoe that fits one person pinches another; there is no recipe for living that suits all cases

I did an MBTI personality test a little while ago, and it has been quite amusing to look at the results. It sorts you into one of two types in four different categories, so you end up with four letters representing how you fit into each category. Don't get too hung up on the names, the words don't mean exactly what you would use them to mean and it is a gradual scale where people will inevitably have elements of both so, for example, someone who prefers 'thinking' isn't a cold, unfeeling bastard.

The categories are extrovert or introvert - referring to whether you like to verbalise exactly what's going on in your head and make decisions by talking it through (E) or like to stay quiet until you really know what you're talking about, and make decisions by thinking for yourself (I).

Then there is sensing or intuition - if you like concrete information, facts and statistics and are keen on remembering details you're an S, whereas if you prefer to think about more abstract theoretical concepts and look at the bigger picture you're an N (as I is already taken).

Next is thinking or feeling - if you're a T you will prefer to think about things in a logical, sensible manner and value fairness, if you're an F you will be more interested in making sure everyone is happy and value compassion.

Finally there is judging or perception - the difference being whether you prefer to be organised and plan work and play ahead of time (J) or you prefer spontaneity and doing things at the last minute so you don't miss anything which may come up unexpectedly (P).

I am, apparently, an INTJ (feel free to scroll up and see if you agree) which makes me part of the least common personality type - particularly in women, where only 1% are INTJ's. But what I was more interested in when doing this, was what careers it might show to suit me. Interestingly, this personality type is the most common type found in academia (isn't it ironic it took me a couple of attempts to spell that), so apparently I am doomed to be a philosopher after all. I'd better start concentrating to pick up some tips on how not to lecture. Unfortunately, it would seem nearly all the careers which would suit me sound... like not my kind of thing. I would apparently suit being an engineer, lots of different types of scientist, military leader (yeah, exactly), entrepreneur, banker or, hilariously, a computer programmer. It would seem the most appealing of all those means that me and Andrew really are the same person. Either that or I just give up on my convictions and become a teacher. Well, we women do all turn into our mothers...

On a brighter note (not that I consider being like my mother a 'dark' thing), apparently being an INTJ makes me least likely to suffer heart disease, and among the types with the highest income. Also, there's a whole bunch of us in hell - we're the least likely of all types to believe in a higher spiritual power. Seems quite fitting.

Some famous INTJ's? Stephen Hawking, John Maynard Keynes, Sir Isaac Newton and Lewis Carroll. Not too shabby really.

I would recommend doing the test for yourself, as it is very interesting to learn how you work most effectively, but unfortunately the real thing costs money. Unless your uni provides it free, of course (: Otherwise, you can probably get a vague idea of what you might be from my ramblings above. But the real reason to do it? It can be great fun to work out what types other people you know might be. So take a look.

People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be

Today I learned that doing one small thing can make a big difference.

I willingly admit that university has been difficult so far, and I haven't done enough to make it easier for myself. I found it so easy to wallow in self-pity, to think that everyone else is having a better time and there's no point making an effort - it's too late. It turns out that's actually not the case. Not even close.

I'm much happier now, and I'm not going to pretend that was my own doing. I wish I could say it was. I had something to do with it. But, aside from this one small thing I did a few days ago, it was more that I let myself be swept along with the tide. Something came my way and I didn't go against it - I'm not sure there was anything proactive about it. I was offered the opportunity to take part in a performance of Argentine tango at university. We rehearsed solidly for 3 weeks, and then on Thursday it all came to a head (if you want to see the results, click here). The result of all that stress and lost time? I had little enough time as to be forced to do my work as efficiently as possible, when I used to have endless hours and not get it done. I exercised, and felt good about myself and ate better as a result. And, I got to know some really lovely people.

I'm not saying this to get your envy or your sympathy. Things were difficult, now they're easier. Some of it was my own doing, a lot of it was not. What's nice though, is taking to time to reflect on all this, to put things in proportion, and see how easy it is to be happy when I let myself. And now I can't wait for what happens next.

As always, when I'm looking for the titles of these blogs, I find so many I love that I can't just share one with you. So, to quote Guillaume Apollinaire,

'Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy.'

Photographs force us to see people before their future weighed them down

It's strange what a photograph can do.

They can send you back to a place, person or feeling so quickly that you don't even have time to decide if you want to remember it. They can remind you of something you used to be, or a side of you that you rarely see.

I was looking at a picture just now, which filled me such security and contentment. Just knowing I was once in that place with those people - some of my favourite people in the world - made me feel so lucky, even if it will never happen again, even if in some ways I don't want it to happen again. It's nice to look back on the past without regret. There are times in my life that I wouldn't go back to if I had the choice, and others I would relive again in a heartbeat, but I won't let myself indulge in regrets.

So many people I know are unhappy at the moment. It breaks my heart to see my friends suffer, whether in a big or small way, and know there is very little I can do to change it. And then I know others who are struggling with that same problem. So my plan from now on is to do as much as I can, and be content with it. I won't regret mistakes I make, and I won't let myself be unhappy when there is more I could have done to avoid it. And I'll take more pictures.

I keep turning over new leaves, and spoiling them, as I used to spoil my copybooks; and I make so many beginnings there never will be an end.

So I'm writing again.

I've had a little encouragement and inspiration from unexpected places, and I've decided it's time to blog again. Just to see where it takes me.

I am going to set myself a few rules, and attempt to adhere to them. Success is not vital, but preferable for the sake of self-respect.

1. I will not be self-indulgent. I will write because I think I have something to say that someone else might want to read. I will not write for the sake of self-gratification or to get things off my chest that are better not published on the internet. I will demonstrate restraint.

2. I will not publish without reading through what I have written. If the quality of my writing is going down, I will stop blogging until I have something to write and some half decent words to express it in. I will maintain a standard [so if I start badly, don't expect any better].

3. I will not write to please or impress people. If my motivation for blogging becomes wrapped up in boosting my ego I will stop.

4. I will not try to sound clever. I will not use long words to show off my vocabulary. I will choose words purely on the basis of how well they express what I am trying to say.

5. I will not try too hard to come up with witty quips. Forced jokes are never funny.

6. I will not blog regularly. Blogging through a sense of obligation or guilt will break too many of the aforementioned rules. And I quite like self-respect.

7. Blogging will be an asset to my life. I will remember a quote by Henry David Thoreau:

"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live."

So my lovelies, here's to a second attempt at katywithawhyy. Let's hope I learn how to spell 'why'.

The end of a melody is not its goal: but nonetheless, had the melody not reached its end it would not have reached its goal either

No one is indestructible. Pity really. But we all so dearly love to think that we are.

I stumbled across a blog recently. It was by a woman who originally began it, as so many bloggers do, to document her travels around the world for her friends and family. On her return it became a way of expressing her loneliness and frustration at her new life of unexpected pregnancy and parenthood. Despite having very little in common with this woman, it made for a fascinating read. But it occurred to me that as I began to understand her situation, I had a feeling of distance between us, like it was a situation I would never find myself in.

But, I would hazard a guess, that is exactly what she had thought.

I'm not saying that will or will not happen to me, or anyone else I know. I'm just saying that we all believe such things do not happen to us. We are different. And on reflection of this immediate assumption, it occurred to me that every single one of us is exactly the same. We are in no way immune from the bad, or maybe just unexpected, things that happen to others and inevitably we will be affected by the things that happen as our lives run their course. It is simply the case that these things will vary from person to person, as they lead their individual lives. So when we say 'I am different', that is completely true. As long as it is not dragging behind it the connotation 'I am better'.

Eventually everything is destroyed, in some way or another. That seems a bit of an ominous statement, but I suppose I mean that everything is fallible and will not always go on as you wish it to. I suppose the only way to save yourself from this is to accumulate so many wonderful things, memories and people that you will face your own destructibility before all of those other things do.

I apologise for the morbidity of this blog.

What I'm trying to tell you is something you would never have guessed from having read all of that. For far too long now, I've been blogging simply to please other people, to gain praise for my wit or insight, and to receive another text from Andrew that says, 'you are pretty much an English genius'. Oh how the ego controls us. So now, I'm determined to write for my own pleasure. Selfish as it may be, for now my words are all for me. But if you think about it, that is no more selfish than I've been so far. The upshot? I'm done with this blog. At least for a while. My blogs have been waning in frequency and quality recently so I think its time to drop it, even if just for now.

Thank you for suffering me for this long.

And rest assured, I'll still be reading.

Luke: Is the dark side stronger? Yoda: No.... Quicker, easier, more seductive.

[I wrote this about a week ago, I just never got round to publishing it]

I did it. Against all my principles. I could say I was forced. But my friends really aren't that forceful. It helps I have a good 3 inches on the tallest of them. But I'm not helping myself with these ramblings.

So what did I do? What immoral act did I perform?

I went in to Hollister.

Ergh. I feel dirty writing it. Me, Jennie and Becky ventured across that imposing 'veranda' into the dark depths of the most unpleasant shop I have ever been in. I hasten to point out, we did not queue. I would have run away if anyone had suggested we queue, since there can be nothing more humiliating than standing in line, boosting this ridiculous shop's self-importance and creating to an artificial appearance of exclusivity for what has to be one of the most generic brands around.

Anyway, prejudices aside (ha, yeah right), I dared to cross that overcompensating threshold to experience the delights that presumably lay within. I can honestly say there were no delights held within. Well. That's not quite true. The people who work there are beautiful. Male and Female. However they do further the intimidation and falseness of the whole affair, so I can't really pretend they improve the experience. That is, assuming you can actually see them through the gloom of the shop - people wander round clutching random items of clothing looking for the rare spotlights randomly scattered through the shop, in an attempt to actually see what they will inevitably purchase (well who can blame them? If you go to all the effort of finding enough light in that place to check you've got the right size, you can't really decide against buying it) I remember smiling as one mother said to her daughter 'I'm not sure what colour this is' [I swear I did not make that up].

Do not go there and expect to breathe. For a start, there are so many people crammed into such a confined, poorly laid out space that what little air there is provides insufficient oxygen to go around. This is further accentuated by the absurd quantity of perfume that permeates your lungs the second you gasp in horror at the sight (or lack thereof) of the shop. How anyone can buy perfume in there I genuinely have no idea, since it would appear impossible to distinguish between anything you might wish to buy and the chemical concoction that fills your nostrils.

As you may have noticed, I'm not a big fan of the shop. You are free to shop there if you wish, but if you wear something that has their name or logo on, I may well disown you. But, as ever, it is a free country (:

A product favored mainly by children and serves as a prevalent spread on their sandwiches

So our kitchen is largely complete. Before Christmas my parents decided we needed a new one, which means it has been a mad rush to get it all sorted before the VAT increase. This further means we currently have no tiles on the walls, and paint work and flooring that doesn't go with the cupboards. What an excellently planned endeavour.

We are however, getting there. I, as usual, am going to plug John Lewis here - if you need a new kitchen, go there. Why? The guy who fitted our kitchen was not noisy, worked hard and did not eat all our biscuits. To the point where I would rather revise at home because in spite of this guy working away (until 7pm one day) on our kitchen cupboards, it was quieter at home than in Ashurst. Now that's just weird.

The negative side effect of all this, is that we cannot find anything. I was despairing the day my parents let me sleep in and went off to Reading, because when I did get up I couldn't find the chocolate spread. And that is just unacceptable. So now you want a happy resolution? Nope. We never found that chocolate spread. Fortunately I could just open a new jar. But that is totally not the point. I should not be exposed to such levels of stress.

[Update: in case anyone cares i.e. Katie I've changed my blogspot address to http://katywithawhyy.blogspot.com since it seems more fitting]